Today I returned to Kathmandu after a 10 Day Vipassana
meditation course in the hills of Shivapuri. During the course we had to follow
5 precepts (old students had to follow 8): not to kill (not even flies), not to
steal, not to use intoxicants, not to engage in sexual misconduct and to
observe noble silence. Noble silence was the most difficult of the 5, not only
could we not speak for 10 days, but we couldn’t communicate, smile or make eye
contact at all. The purpose is to feel like you are studying in isolation to
decrease distractions. But after a while it doesn’t feel so good to ignore/be
ignored, you forget the sound of your own voice and you begin to feel trapped
inside your mind. The last day when we were able to break noble silence I don’t
think anyone stopped talking for the rest of the day.
During the course I was prohibited from writing in my
journal, so I don’t have a daily account of the course or my thoughts (though
there were so many I couldn’t possibly remember them anyway). We weren’t
allowed to write, read, listen to music, exercise, yoga, snack or pretty much
anything to minimize distractions and thoughts. During the few break times the
only options were to wash, do laundry, nap or walk around. It was quite strict,
but I don’t think I would have had the results I did if I were allowed to play
in between sittings.
Without getting into the technique or deep into the dicta of
Dhama I’ll give you a little idea of what the 10 days were like. If you would
like to talk philosophy I would be more than happy to pass on what I learned in
a more personal way.
My 10 days at the Vipassana Center were like…
… being a nun.
When you are participating in a course you are more or less
acting like a monk or nun. Upon arrival you are asked to give all your money,
credit cards, passports, valuables etc… to the staff. If I hadn’t read up on
the place first this would have been where I turned around. The first thing you
learn about international travel is you NEVER give up your passport. But I did,
and I got it back, so it’s fine. You give up all of your possessions and dress
modestly. We were all in long pants, skirts, jackets and draped in several
blankets.
The men and women are
separated throughout the entire course. There are two sections of the compound
and there are no reasons for men to be on the women’s area or vice versa. Even
in the meditation hall men file in first and get situated and close their eyes
before the women enter.
During the entire course, students are on a nun’s schedule.
Each time a session started or ended a gong was rung to signify it was time to
move. If anyone tried to skip a session
or sleep an extra few minutes someone was in their space telling them to go to
the sitting. The schedule was:
4:00: Wake up
4:30 Group meditation
6:30 Breakfast and Break
8:00 Group meditation
9:00 Meditation
11:00 Lunch and Break
1:00 Meditation
2:30 Group meditation
3:30 Meditation
5:00 Snack and Break
6:00 Group meditation
7:00 Dhamma Discourse
8:45 Meditation
9:00 Bed
… rehab.
As mentioned, one of the precepts is not using intoxicants
during the course. But beyond that, a lot of the lectures talked about
addictions and cravings and the danger they present to your happiness. The
basis of Vipassana (and Buddhism) is that everything in this world is impermanent;
life, thoughts, feelings, objects and cravings. If you train the mind to
recognize when you are creating a craving/aversion you can teach it that this
craving doesn't really exist and in all actuality doesn't mean anything to you.
Intoxicants in particular are dangerous because they are cravings that cause
mindlessness and while mindless you are more likely to participate in impure
actions and create more cravings (sakara).
… Hogwarts under Dolores Umbridge.
The code of discipline was very strict during the 10 days.
And since you can’t speak, and no one can speak to you, there are helpful
reminders of all the countless rules around the compound. Each rule is written
on its own sheet of paper and posted on the wall. It’s like the wall of decrees
that Umbridge imposed on Hogwarts.
… a Vulcan school.
Vipassana and Dhamma focuses on purifying the mind and
removing all sakaras from deep within. You should never feel agitation, anger,
passion but you also should never feel pleasure as well. Both positive and
negative sensations create reactions and feed the ego and personality. It
reminded me of Vulcans. They do have emotions, but through discipline and
training they are able to completely control their emotions and reactions
through their mind. This is pretty much the crux of Vipassana meditation.
Dhamma teaches that all things are impermanent, including emotions, so it is
logical to not have emotions to stimuli that don’t exist.
… an advertisement for Valinor.
Through Vipassana you are meant to fully liberate your mind
and reach enlightenment. Only an enlightened person can break the chains of
samsara (birth, death, rebirth, death, rebirth, death…) and be free. It
reminded me of Valinor. At the end of Lord of the Rings the elves leave Middle
Earth to the west, to another world of peace. This is what enlightenment is
like for me. But aren't we all a little sad when the elves leave? Couldn't they
have more fun if they stayed?
… being in prison.
The first day of the course we were told about 5 times that
this is a very serious undertaking and once we begin there is no way for us to
leave. It is dangerous to the mind to leave in the middle without the final
day. There were a few people that were overwhelmed by the course and had great
difficulty either losing their freedom, being forced to be in isolation with
their thoughts and mind or just didn’t find that it suited them. These people
were not allowed to leave and were forced to attend all sittings. It was like a
prison for them. And I don’t blame them. The first few days were absolutely
miserable. It is incredibly difficult to sit in a cross legged position for 2
hours straight without moving. It’s scary to be left with your untamed mind
with all the time in the world for it to run free. It’s isolating to be
surrounded by people but being ignored by all of them. It’s frustrating when
your mind won’t stop wandering and you feel like you’ll never make any progress.
I felt the urge to run, too. But by the 10th day my legs stopped
hurting, my mind stopped wandering and I found peace. It’s hard to lose your
freedom, but by the end I understood why.
… finding my religion.
Vipassana is very firm that the goal is not to convert
people from one organized religion to another. It is possible to practice
Vipassana and not be Buddhist. But with this said, Vipassana is the meditation
technique that Buddha used when he reached enlightenment and later taught to
the world. The discourses explained the 4 Noble Truths and the 8 Fold Path and
is based on Buddhism in its purest form. But I suppose, technically, Buddhism isn’t
really a religion as there is no worship. It’s more of a philosophy. But it’s
hard to think of as just a set of ideas and not as a religion.
About a year ago I started reading and studying Buddhism.
The ideas made a lot of sense to me, and the philosophy seemed to be more
applicable to the world than anything else I had ever learned. These 10 days
were my trial run, in actually experiencing and practicing. It felt good, and
it cleared my mind and brought me peace. Something religion has never done for
me before. I am finding that spirituality works a lot better when it is
something you discover and experience for yourself, not just something you’re
told to believe in. I fully intend to continue my Vipassana practice, but maybe
not taking it as seriously as a nun. The suggestion to develop Dhamma is to
meditate an hour in the morning and the evening, which I think will be
possible. Ask me again in 6 months if Vipassana is still a part of my life. We’ll
see how it goes.
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