Freedom Hangs Like Heaven

In high school band we played a piece inspired by Norman Rockwell's Four Freedoms paintings (which were inspired by a speech given by Roosevelt). Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom from fear and freedom from want. A friend asked me in a letter if the past 10 months have changed my outlook on life, and how. In trying to answer this question I was reminded of these images. These four freedoms are so much a part of our daily lives in America that you don't really ever stop to think about them, it's impossible to understand what they mean when you've never lived without. Ethiopia has taught me just how important these freedoms and to appreciate that we live in a place where we don't realize how spectacular it is because there's never been a reason to think about it.

Freedom of Speech:
As a volunteer I often find that I need to censor myself. I am told not to participate in conversations about politics and not to air many of my opinions. I often feel like I have to hide aspects of my personality for reasons such as cultural sensitivity, language misinterpretation and having to be who Ethiopia wants/needs me to be. No one in my town knows the real Nikki, they see me as a recluse, work-a-holic, serious person... at home I am none of those things. There are many times that I would like to speak up or dissent with people (especially at work) but I am not allowed to do so.

Freedom of Religion:
As a volunteer I am also instructed to stay out of religous conversations. Ethiopia is a deeply religious country, with the majority of people either Christian or Muslim. On a daily basis people ask me my religion and pressure me to attend a church service. To me, religion is something personal, and I've never been one to really discuss it openly. Here I cannot avoid the conversation. At home you'd never ask someone you just met what his or her religion is, but here it is the next question after "how are you?" and "where are you from?".

Freedom from Want:
This one is pretty self-explanatory. While there is, indeed, poverty in America and this freedom is anything but universal, in my life prior to Peace Corps I never truly understood what it meant to really want. The exteme levels of poverty throughout this country are still shocking to me. Just the other day I learned what I previously thought was a chicken coop was actually a home. It's heartbreaking to see families living on the sidewalk in Addis, people whose bodies are disfigured from polio because they did not have access to vaccinations, children who cling on to you asking for a birr or a piece of bread. I often say that I'm hungry here...but I know I've never really been hungry in my life.

Freedom from Fear:
One of the things that I am most afraid of here is the access to medical care. I live in a very remote area, the closest hospital is two bus rides away, and with the waiting at the bus station this can take a whole day. If there is a medical emergency there's no guarantee that people can get medical attention (family and friends, don't panic....if I were seriously injured Peace Corps would find a way to get me out). I could continue listing fears, but the freedom of speech thing does not permit me to express all my thoughts on my blog.

Something Like Human

"Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it. A strength which becomes clearer and stronger through its experience of such obstacles is the only strength that can conquer them"
Albert Schweitzer

It is still difficult for me not to be annoyed when the first thing I hear when I walk out of my compound in the morning is "Nikki, give me money!!" I still get frustrated when I'm in a town other than Masha and people yell "farenji! You! You! You!" I still hate when men ask me if I am married, and when I say "no" they say "I should have to find an Ethiopian husband." It still drives me crazy when people seem like they want to have a conversation with me, but by the third line they ask me if I will take him/her to America with me. I want to give these people a piece of my mind, explain that EVERYONE asks me for money and I cannot and will not give money to every person who asks for it. I want to tell them that I am giving up two of the best years of my youth to work for free…isn't that enough? I want to tell them that if they visited my country they wouldn't be harassed or mocked like I am here. I don't yet have the strength that Schweitzer talks about in the above quote. I have a hard time accepting the stones in my path…especially the ones that people roll upon it. Today I was reminded why I shouldn't get frustrated or annoyed with the people who ask for money and go to extremes just to get my attention. After all, I live my life avoiding "what ifs" and taking every opportunity presented to me, and I repeatedly embarrass myself with defeat…because not trying is an even greater failure. You almost can't blame these people for asking for money or a job or a green card every time they see a Westerner. The number of Westerners in Ethiopia is pretty small, so when one comes to a random town such as Masha why shouldn't they ask? It's an opportunity they rarely get, and while I consider it rude, annoying and frustrating…for them it is worth it. The situation that made me think about this today was a particular person in my town. In the past three days he has come to my house, found me in town and followed me to work to ask for money. When he showed up at my office I was angry…this person has no right to be following me, showing up at my home and not respecting me when I say I can't give him money. Today he gave me a note. It read (copied exact)

 "First I want to great you secondaly I want to say some thing about my problem that is I am peashent (i.e. I do't have ability to do work) b/c I do't have family or any helper to get treatment. So that please help me."

I still politely told him I cannot give him anything, because if I do then everyone will give me a note explaining some reason why they need me to give them money. But it did make me stop and consider the other side of the coin. There are a lot of people here that are poor, sick, alone and really can't get to a place where he/she can help him/herself. It does me well to put things into perspective and stop
being so self-righteous. You're not supposed to volunteer and expect people to say "thank you" or to receive anything in return…it's supposed to be a selfless act. Being here doesn't mean that I deserve
respect and that people should be appreciative of my presence, especially if they don't realize that I'm here working and contributing to their lives in a different capacity. On a similar note, this incident made me think about what it means to be human (something I've been thinking about a lot since coming here). As human beings, we have a moral and ethical responsibility to help our fellow man out if we can. It is our duty to help those who are in a rough spot. From childhood we are taught to share, to work as a team, to support each other. There is a sense of pride in standing together in our similarities… Think those "Pride in Putnam 1990" t-shirts we all wore, people have pride in their sports teams, state, region and country. Why isn't there the same camaraderie among human beings? Why does it stop at your own country? Why does the responsibility end there? This particular thought came to mind when I was re-reading the literature on health care for detained immigrants (my APHA presentation topic). In our prisons we often treat criminals convicted of high crimes better than we do detained immigrants (some just seeking asylum!) because they are from our country and therefore
somehow deserving of better treatment. I should probably stop this tirade here, I think I'm getting close to being inappropriately political for a Peace Corps blog (reminder these are my thoughts, not the position of the US government or US Peace Corps). I guess what I was trying to get at, in my moments of moral weakness and in my embarrassing reaction to the people who just want to take advantage of the opportunity to improve their present condition, to remind people that everyone is fighting a battle. Remember to take all things into perspective before judging and reacting negatively. It's a difficult thing to do, but the uncomfortable and frustrating situations are those that give us the strength to accept these obstacles in the future.

Welcome

I have no idea if this entry was successfully posted the first time so I'm going to try again. I apologize if it's a repeat. On my last real post I had a comment from a friend of a new kid coming to Ethiopia in September. For any of you group 4 kids reading my blog please feel free to email me with any questions about Ethiopia, PC, packing etc... A few of you will probably be down in my area and I'm
wicked excited to meet you and finally have some neighbors! Shoot me an email at nltherrien@gmail.com I have dial up internet so I check my email about once a week. Enjoy your last few months at home, eat tons of delicious food, go to happy hour and spend all the time you can with friends and family! See you soon!

Birds of a Feather

Sorry for the lack of updates, blogspot has been blocked for about a month and Andrea has returned to the world of academics and has much better things to do than update her sister's blog. Since my last update it's been the usual amazing highs and depressing lows. I had a week long training on permaculture (sustainable gardening) which was a bit frustrating, but overall pretty useful. On Monday I am meeting with the HIV positive women in my town about starting a garden. It's going to start small for nutritional support, but if things go well we hope to expand the garden so it can be a source of income generation as well. It's a pretty easy project and will boost my feeling of productiveness. In terms of work, I've been quite busy lately with the youth center, seeing as though the grant proposal is due next month. When I came back from the training I was stood up for 3 meetings and was starting to feel like the grant would never get written and the project would be a bust. I was thrilled when this week one of my guys dropped a complete, detailed budget and part of the proposal in front of me. I couldn't believe it....this is actually going to be finished on time! Unfortunately, as I predicted, we are waaaay over budget. I'm working on cutting down the scale of the project while still making it worthwhile. I have a few ideas, but will have to see what my committees think before making any decisions. The last thing I have going on as far as work goes is the summer camp. Things are starting to shape up, next week I'm meeting with another volunteer to work out the budget.

Other than the increased productivity in my work, life has slowed down a bit due to the rainy season. I spend a lot of time at home hiding from the rain/mud reading, watching tv/movies (pathetic, i know) and grant writing. While I was at training someone broke into my kitchen and stole all my food that wasn't locked up so I've been pretty moody as well....probably better that I'm not being overly social.

I don't have a whole lot to report, so I'm going to tell you about my favorite birds in Ethiopia. Sounds really lame, but the birds are crazy here.... it's supposedly one of the most interesting places for bird watching because there are so many endemic species. The first worth mentioning is Toucan Saul (I don't know the real names of the species and no one understands what I'm asking when I try to find out). Toucan Saul is the name Alissa and I gave this giant black bird with a huge white beak (an evil toucan). During consolidation one came in our room and was mocking us.... it was terrifying. This bird is so big that when it flies over my house I can hear its wings flapping and when it lands on my roof it sounds like there's a fight above me. Another crazy species is the stork of Hawassa. These guys gather in large flocks in the trees (it's a gamble to walk underneath). When they stand they are over half my height and have a brigh orange crest and incredibly ugly features. They seriously look prehistoric. Gross, but awesome. The last bird that I'm a fan of is much less bad ass, but still unique. It's super tiny (about the size of a hummingbird) and bright blue. They remind me of neons in a fish tank full of much bigger, meaner fish.

June Hymn

It's been just about 6 months since I moved to Masha and it's finally feeling like home to me. Two weeks ago all the PCVs went to Yirg Alem for a week long training. Without boring you with details I'll just say that it was a great time with friends, old and new, complete with card games, Scrabble, a bonfire, a "beach" trip, volleyball and beer. The training part was alright, too. Two days were summer camp training from Hole in the Wall camps (PC is hosting regional summer camps in the next few months). It was a good example of a small world- the original Hole in the Wall camp is near where I'm from. The person giving the training knows my cousin who is affiliated with the camp, and is currently living in New Haven. I always get a kick out of talking about CT with strangers in Ethiopia. But anyway! Once the week was over I was very bummed to be going back to site...going from social overload to solitude is never easy. The warm welcome from Masha made it a bit easier. Coming home and seeing children and friends excited to see me was very touching. I'm not sure I'd get that in a bigger town, so even though I haven't had electricity since coming back, I am happy with where I live.

 

Upon returning to site I learned that no progress was made on the youth center... people were hesitant to work/make decisions without me. I learned that I need to take on a stronger role in the planning process and guide my chairpersons through it, which is fine. I've had meetings the past two days and made some real progress. The first meeting we decided what types of activities will be included in the center and then prioritized them (we won't have the funds to do everything...for example I don't think we'll be installing a swimming pool). The top three priorities are 1. media room (computers, internet, library, HIV/AIDS resources) 2. lounge (cafe, DSTV) and 3. meeting room (to hold regular HIV/AIDS prevention programs, VCT campaigns, dramas, social programming). Today I met with civil engineers who will make a blue print and tell me approximately how much this will cost. I'm sure we're over budget by a lot, but we needed to start somewhere. I'm always in a good mood after my youth center meetings. I was starting to think this project idea was over-ambitious (which it probably is), but when I meet with these people are they are so willing to do the work and are so optimistic I'm reminded that it's going to be worth the headache. There have been nothing but good signs, it has to work out, right?

On a completely unrelated note, but something I'm really excited about...I'M COMING HOME!! A while back I wrote a policy piece with my grad school mentor on medical care access to detained immigrants. My professor had submitted the absract to the American Public Health Assoc. annual conference a few months ago. Much to my surprise, I got an email the other day inviting us to give an oral presentation on our work! Peace Corps is letting me count the conference as work related (so I don't need to use all my vacation days going to Colorado) so I will be coming to America in early November. After the conference I'll be home for two weeks, however I wont have a phone, car or money, so if you would like to see me it's pretty much up to you. I have a lot going on until then so it may even come quickly!

Here Comes the Rain

Almost a month earlier than I expected the rainy season is here. Every day it POURS for a few hours accompanied by roaring thunder. It starts very suddenly and then stops as soon as it came like it does in the tropics. When the rains come is gets suddenly very, very cold and once it even hailed marble sized pellets. That day I was stuck in the post office for about an hour. The mud is ridiculously slippery and it takes careful planning of steps to avoid wiping out. As bad as the mud and unpredictable weather is, the worst part about the rainy season is the influx of bugs.

I mentioned a few entries ago the flesh eating ants. If you can recall they live in wet mud. You can imagine that now that the whole town is a mud puddle these ants are everywhere. The bee stings hurt less than these ants, once they latch on you need to pry them off...not an easy thing to do when they are in your pants.

Also there are the moths. I like to tell myself they are butterflies, but no, they aren't that pretty. Some days you can't walk outside without getting slapped across the face by wings. They all herd together and sit in clumps. I imagine this is what a plague looks like.

The most obnoxious, but amusing, swarm of the rainy season are these little bugs that look like flying ants. If you are unfortunate enough to walk through a group of them they follow you and stick to everything. By the time you reach your destination you are pulling them out of your hair, off your shirt and still batting at them by your ears. The funny part about these guys is that if you are no where near your destination there is a way to get rid of them. If you bump into another person the swam will leave you alone and start to bother the other person. It reminds me of the lightning cloud item on Mario Kart Wii.

The grossest insects are the flies in the shint bet (bathroom). After it rains the shint bet (a room with dirt floor and tin walls/roof gets very hot and humid. The flies are horrendous. I don't think I need to elaborate. It makes the whole bathroom experience even worse than it was to begin with.

And, finally, the bug infestation that hits closest to home is the spider attack. The spiders are looking for a place to keep dry, and it seems that my bedroom is perfect. I think about John and Andrew during these times when I can look in any corner and see a few making their homes. I could spray and kill them but I don't think its worth it. There are too many, and hey, I don't like being out in the rain either.

And on a totally different note, I've had a few people ask me what I need. Here's my current wishlist:

Food:

Pasta Sides

Suddenly Salad

Meals you can boil

Cheese

Hot Chocolate

Tea (green, white, flavored...)

Cake mix & frosting

Brown Sugar

Mac and Cheese

Parm. Cheese

Books:

The Hobbit

LOTR trilogy

The Silmarlion

John Lennon's Biography

books on meditation

non-fiction

historical fiction

classics that i should have read in high school

Other:

Magazines

New music

Envelopes

Crayola markers

March and April updates

03/20/10

Since my last blog post I have received more mail than ever before. I cannot express how touched I was by the immense amount of love, encouragement and support from home. I really and truly appreciate it. For a while I was contemplating coming home, but for two reasons that wasn't actually an option. 1. I'm really stubborn and prideful and 2. I haven't achieved what I set out to do yet. After a few more discouraging events and a few days of 12 hour naps I decided I needed to shape up. Once I more or less forced myself to get out of my funk and be happy, I had the most fantastic week.

On Monday I met with the mayor to discuss the findings of my community needs assessment. I then went on to say that I was very interested and passionate about starting up a youth recreation center. I explained that the community indicated that this was a priority for them, and that it would discourage kids from vices such as alcohol, drugs and unsafe sex as well as give them a better quality of life. It will also provide leadership opportunities as someone will have to take charge. The mayor was thrilled. He offered to support the project and call together a town meeting to get people interested in helping. In
Ethiopia there is a strict vertical power structure- having the mayor's approval is a huge deal. Even more exciting is that the town has already considered this project, but did not have the resources to
implement it. There is already land set aside for this purpose...one less thing to worry about. I am so excited that this may actually happen. After almost 6 months of training and research it feels GREAT
to actually be doing something and being productive. My motivation is restored and I am once again sure I am where I need to be. Life here is hard, but I've never had a job I love this much. I feel like I'm
actually doing something meaningful. I haven't had water or electricity for 2 weeks, but I've never been this happy here.

After that successful meeting I was inspired. I walked over to the primary school and offered to teach English classes. This is something I wasn't sure if I wanted to do, but I feel like if I want this youth
center to be a success I need more face time with the youth. Once the director made the announcement that I will be teaching the kids all suddenly became my best friend. I couldn't leave my house without someone yelling "teacher!!" at me. I decided to teach 5th grade, because that is when all classes are taught in English. The troubling thing is that I've never met a kid that can speak the language. Makes you wonder how these classes go. So on Tuesday I start teaching 139 children English. I'm terribly nervous...this is a huge group and something I've never done before. I've never been one to hide in my comfort zone though, so I look forward to this new experience.

I'm also trying to be more social these days and leave my house a minimum of twice a day. I know that sounds bad, but trust me, sometimes it's very difficult to get out. It really feels great to be happy again. 27 months doesn't seem so long anymore. I can do this. Also, I have internet in my house now. It's horribly slow and expensive so I will still only send letters, not emails, but now I can post on my blog and catch the news once in a while.

04/10/10

Honey

Last night was the coolest cultural experience I've had yet. I harvested honey!! I'm not sure if I've mentioned it, but if anyone at all knows about Masha, they know about the honey. It's kind of like
Putnam, most American's don't know it exists, but if you meet someone that does, chances are he or she will mention antiques. Bee keeping is an old, long standing tradition here. Two baskets are put up into a very tall tree (apparently species is important, the tree needs to be near water and there is some element of luck involved) and one basket eventually becomes inhabited and the other remains empty. The baskets are left in the tree for a whole year for bees to create the honey comb, it is then harvested. We went out at night because there are less bees (I still got stung 4 times...and I was just watching from a distance!), which is a treat for me-I can count on one hand the number of times I have been out after dark (I'm embarrassed by how lame I've become in the last 6 months). My counterpart's dad (the bee keeper) has honey baskets out in the jungle, so we had to walk a small distance into the wilderness. I haven't spent too much time in the jungle, I was surprised by how close to the town the monkeys hang out. They are like rabbits at home, they are pests and destroy crops...personally I think they are hilarious. So once we get out into the jungle I meet the three young men that have been hired to assist,
they are the most bad-ass people I have ever met. They are rural tribesmen, and as my counterpart explained "they don't care about tomorrow, they only worry about today". They are hunters, risk takers
and lead a dangerous lifestyle, they are also among the nicest people I've met here. To retrieve the baskets one of the guy climbs the giant tree, which, by the way, doesn't have branches until the last third of the tree. He does this with bare feet, a knife slung on his back, in the dark, with just a rope. And boy can he climb fast, it was amazing. Once at the top of the tree he cuts the ropes that secure the basket in the tree, ties the basket on the rope he used for climbing and creates a type of pulley system. He lowers the basket to the ground for the other two men to untie. The other men then hold the ends of
the rope and the climber lowers himself down to the ground, it was crazy! Then is the scary part, I was so embarrassed by how nervous I was and reluctant to get close (Andrea, I thought of you and the bees at memeres house. I will never make fun of you again). They take their large knives and whack at the basket to open it up, then the swarm comes. Again, it was dark out, so I couldn't see the bees but I could hear them around me and getting stuck in my hair. Inside the basket is a perfectly crafted comb, layers of oval shaped nest. The first comb was broken up and passed around. Before then I had never ate honey right off the comb, in just a small bit you have a mouthful of sticky, warm, sweet honey. It was delicious. Then they passed around comb without honey in it, but it had bee larva in it. Apparently if you eat it you become strong, so I took a bite. Not something I'd rush to do again, but pretty cool that I can say I did it. This part of the process takes a while, there is a loooot of honey comb. Each piece needs to be brushed off by hand for bees (again, how embarrassing that I didn't want to stand close when these guys were sticking their hands in bees) and then put in a sack. Every time I got stung they tried to convince me that it was like acupuncture. Today's welts beg to differ.
Once that was completed we moved on to the next tree. The process was absolutely fascinating, it made me think of the time we went to a bee farm with 4H club, what a difference! What made the night was the natural beauty of both the honey collecting and the atmosphere. We were the only people in sight, the wild sounds of the jungle filled the air and it was such a clear night you could see absolutely every star in the sky. On nights like that I wonder why I ever have bad days here. Then this morning somebody asked me what was wrong with my skin and then another person told me I was a bad christian because I wouldn't give him money. Then I remembered why.

On a different note, my Youth Center project is underway! I met with the stakeholders this past week and most of the people that were invited came...it was quite a surprise. Everyone really liked the idea
and was excited about it. Even though I can't pay them, they all seem motivated to work, it was wonderful. Then after the meeting one guy stayed back and said to me "I think we are entering a new phase in Masha. This is an important project. Thank you for your efforts". I know you are supposed to do service not expecting anything in return, but I tell you, it felt great to be thanked.