Friday, August 20, 2010

Freedom Hangs Like Heaven

In high school band we played a piece inspired by Norman Rockwell's Four Freedoms paintings (which were inspired by a speech given by Roosevelt). Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom from fear and freedom from want. A friend asked me in a letter if the past 10 months have changed my outlook on life, and how. In trying to answer this question I was reminded of these images. These four freedoms are so much a part of our daily lives in America that you don't really ever stop to think about them, it's impossible to understand what they mean when you've never lived without. Ethiopia has taught me just how important these freedoms and to appreciate that we live in a place where we don't realize how spectacular it is because there's never been a reason to think about it.

Freedom of Speech:
As a volunteer I often find that I need to censor myself. I am told not to participate in conversations about politics and not to air many of my opinions. I often feel like I have to hide aspects of my personality for reasons such as cultural sensitivity, language misinterpretation and having to be who Ethiopia wants/needs me to be. No one in my town knows the real Nikki, they see me as a recluse, work-a-holic, serious person... at home I am none of those things. There are many times that I would like to speak up or dissent with people (especially at work) but I am not allowed to do so.

Freedom of Religion:
As a volunteer I am also instructed to stay out of religous conversations. Ethiopia is a deeply religious country, with the majority of people either Christian or Muslim. On a daily basis people ask me my religion and pressure me to attend a church service. To me, religion is something personal, and I've never been one to really discuss it openly. Here I cannot avoid the conversation. At home you'd never ask someone you just met what his or her religion is, but here it is the next question after "how are you?" and "where are you from?".

Freedom from Want:
This one is pretty self-explanatory. While there is, indeed, poverty in America and this freedom is anything but universal, in my life prior to Peace Corps I never truly understood what it meant to really want. The exteme levels of poverty throughout this country are still shocking to me. Just the other day I learned what I previously thought was a chicken coop was actually a home. It's heartbreaking to see families living on the sidewalk in Addis, people whose bodies are disfigured from polio because they did not have access to vaccinations, children who cling on to you asking for a birr or a piece of bread. I often say that I'm hungry here...but I know I've never really been hungry in my life.

Freedom from Fear:
One of the things that I am most afraid of here is the access to medical care. I live in a very remote area, the closest hospital is two bus rides away, and with the waiting at the bus station this can take a whole day. If there is a medical emergency there's no guarantee that people can get medical attention (family and friends, don't panic....if I were seriously injured Peace Corps would find a way to get me out). I could continue listing fears, but the freedom of speech thing does not permit me to express all my thoughts on my blog.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Something Like Human

"Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it. A strength which becomes clearer and stronger through its experience of such obstacles is the only strength that can conquer them"
Albert Schweitzer

It is still difficult for me not to be annoyed when the first thing I hear when I walk out of my compound in the morning is "Nikki, give me money!!" I still get frustrated when I'm in a town other than Masha and people yell "farenji! You! You! You!" I still hate when men ask me if I am married, and when I say "no" they say "I should have to find an Ethiopian husband." It still drives me crazy when people seem like they want to have a conversation with me, but by the third line they ask me if I will take him/her to America with me. I want to give these people a piece of my mind, explain that EVERYONE asks me for money and I cannot and will not give money to every person who asks for it. I want to tell them that I am giving up two of the best years of my youth to work for free…isn't that enough? I want to tell them that if they visited my country they wouldn't be harassed or mocked like I am here. I don't yet have the strength that Schweitzer talks about in the above quote. I have a hard time accepting the stones in my path…especially the ones that people roll upon it. Today I was reminded why I shouldn't get frustrated or annoyed with the people who ask for money and go to extremes just to get my attention. After all, I live my life avoiding "what ifs" and taking every opportunity presented to me, and I repeatedly embarrass myself with defeat…because not trying is an even greater failure. You almost can't blame these people for asking for money or a job or a green card every time they see a Westerner. The number of Westerners in Ethiopia is pretty small, so when one comes to a random town such as Masha why shouldn't they ask? It's an opportunity they rarely get, and while I consider it rude, annoying and frustrating…for them it is worth it. The situation that made me think about this today was a particular person in my town. In the past three days he has come to my house, found me in town and followed me to work to ask for money. When he showed up at my office I was angry…this person has no right to be following me, showing up at my home and not respecting me when I say I can't give him money. Today he gave me a note. It read (copied exact)

 "First I want to great you secondaly I want to say some thing about my problem that is I am peashent (i.e. I do't have ability to do work) b/c I do't have family or any helper to get treatment. So that please help me."

I still politely told him I cannot give him anything, because if I do then everyone will give me a note explaining some reason why they need me to give them money. But it did make me stop and consider the other side of the coin. There are a lot of people here that are poor, sick, alone and really can't get to a place where he/she can help him/herself. It does me well to put things into perspective and stop
being so self-righteous. You're not supposed to volunteer and expect people to say "thank you" or to receive anything in return…it's supposed to be a selfless act. Being here doesn't mean that I deserve
respect and that people should be appreciative of my presence, especially if they don't realize that I'm here working and contributing to their lives in a different capacity. On a similar note, this incident made me think about what it means to be human (something I've been thinking about a lot since coming here). As human beings, we have a moral and ethical responsibility to help our fellow man out if we can. It is our duty to help those who are in a rough spot. From childhood we are taught to share, to work as a team, to support each other. There is a sense of pride in standing together in our similarities… Think those "Pride in Putnam 1990" t-shirts we all wore, people have pride in their sports teams, state, region and country. Why isn't there the same camaraderie among human beings? Why does it stop at your own country? Why does the responsibility end there? This particular thought came to mind when I was re-reading the literature on health care for detained immigrants (my APHA presentation topic). In our prisons we often treat criminals convicted of high crimes better than we do detained immigrants (some just seeking asylum!) because they are from our country and therefore
somehow deserving of better treatment. I should probably stop this tirade here, I think I'm getting close to being inappropriately political for a Peace Corps blog (reminder these are my thoughts, not the position of the US government or US Peace Corps). I guess what I was trying to get at, in my moments of moral weakness and in my embarrassing reaction to the people who just want to take advantage of the opportunity to improve their present condition, to remind people that everyone is fighting a battle. Remember to take all things into perspective before judging and reacting negatively. It's a difficult thing to do, but the uncomfortable and frustrating situations are those that give us the strength to accept these obstacles in the future.